Love

What a beautiful gift, to love and be loved. So strong, yet so fragile. So gentle and tender, but at the same time overflowing with intensity. So comforting, and so potentially heartbreaking. So completely satisfying, yet always leaving a hunger for more.

I'm thankful today for the love that I have the opportunity to give, abounding with gratitude for the love I'm given. Yearning, though, for the day I'll know Love face to face. Love Himself. Longing for the day I'll be made perfect in Christ and dwell perfectly in His fellowship. The glimmers of completion He allows us here on earth are so beautiful. We fill gaps in each other with our love, but we're never complete. Not really. Not here. Just imagine though!

Death, Not Success

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."
- John 12:24

The goal of the Christian life is death, not success.
..................................................................

That was the verse and first line of the devotional I read this morning. It weighs heavy on my heart as I think of how selfish I am. I don't face a desire for success in the way a lot of you do. I don't work outside the home, so it's not that I'm striving for success through recognition or wealth. But I have to learn to die to myself in other ways that you may not face. They are personal and painful ways, and sharing the details wouldn't uplift you in any way that I can think of. So I'll be transparent in the pain and struggle rather than in the issues themselves.

I think the success I long for is way too selfish. It's the kind that makes me feel good. It's self-serving. It's not worth anything at all when I line it up with the cross. I have the opportunity today, just like every day, to let that longing die. What matters most to me? Am I willing to lay everything at His feet? To let it all go? To seek my own death rather than my selfish fulfillment? Man, that's hard. I think it's harder for me these days than it has been in a long, long time. Thankfully, I'm also more equipped for it than ever before.

He knows what our struggles are. He gives us everything we need in order to choose death. He IS everything we need to make right choices. He is worth the painful, daily realignment of our hearts. Christ gave His life for us, for the glory of His Father. What are we willing to sacrifice?

Down in Mississippi

Hey ya'll! Hope everyone had a fun Memorial Day weekend. We enjoyed some time in our southern roots down in Petal, MS. It was wonderful to see my family!! The boys were great on the trip, and Steve and I actually got a little bit of alone time, too. You can't beat that! Soooo glad he got to go with us this time!

Alabama Welcome Center

The boys check out the rocket! Very cool!

Steve and I took turns driving

while my Mom entertained the boys in the back of the Freestyle.

It was a very nice drive!
Here we are in Alabama.

Tyler helped make Mamaw's famous mac & cheese.

Yuuuummy! Good job, Ty!!

Steve and I got out for a late night date Sunday after the boys went to bed. Dad let us take his Mustang...so of course I did all the driving! Sweeeet! :)

Can't wait for our next visit down south!!

Hopefully we'll get to stay longer next time.

Your God Is Too Small

There's a church down the road with a sign out front that reads something like this:

"Write your plans in pencil. Then give God the eraser."

Now that's really cute and all. I think I can pull out a small chunk of truth from it. I understand that we need to submit our plans, our agendas, our lives to Him. I don't want to make light of the fact that we have that responsibility. We'll be held accountable for seriously living under His Lordship. I get that.

But I just have to testify that the God I serve is soooo much bigger than that. I can take a Sharpie to my planner and put that good smellin', permanent ink all over it, and my Lord can change it. He can reword it, rework it, reassign it. He can shred it. He can toss it. And He doesn't need anything from me in order to make that happen.

Sure, I can choose when and where I want to meet a friend for lunch. I can fill my life with all kinds of activities...or not. And I think we do need to realize that God is in those details as well. But still, He doesn't need my eraser. There's nothing in the world that changes my own selfish plans like Jesus does. There's no eraser I can offer that compares to that of His blood which covers me. It's His forgiveness of sin, His love, His holiness that changes the plans of my heart. All I have to do is accept it, be blanketed and changed by it. And even that acceptance is not something I give out of a goodness within myself. It's brought forth by His own grace.

And how thankful I am that it does not depend on me! I was bought with a price, and I am forever His. I can "hand him the eraser" or I can hide it in my own pocket, but either way my God will do as He pleases and bring glory to His name. He's not my assistant or my appointment setter. And though I strive to give it to Him, He doesn't need my full cooperation. He's God! Almighty. Omniscient. Omnipotent. God!

Great Song

Tyler has decided that he's an Alan Jackson fan now.

He really likes his song, "Don't Rock the Juice Box!"

Next time you listen, that's what you'll hear, too!

I love my kiddo!! :)

Camping is Fun!!

Check out my hot Hubby with is new little gas grill. He was sooo excited about his grill. He's so adorable. And I just love his scruffy camping look with a ball cap.

I really am a lucky girl. He's the best!

Okay, moving on before I make you all sick with my mushy talk. Sorry, just couldn't help it! :)

Here's my Honey and Darrell putting up our tents.

Neither of them (the tents that is)

fell on top of us during the night,

so I guess they know what they're doing after all! :)

It was great to have Amanda and Darrell join us for our camping trip. It's been awhile since our 2 families have been able to enjoy each other like we did that weekend. We all had a wonderful time together. We didn't get much sleep, but we didn't really plan on much of that, so that's okay. A bright campfire, perfect weather, really cold beer, and best friends...can't think of a better way to enjoy a night! Oh, and kids that are old enough to actually sleep at night when we camp. That was certainly part of the equation!

A and D's little guy, Garrett, is Tony's age. Those two are good little buddies, so they kept each other pretty entertained. We discovered the perfect camping "play pen," too, for those times when the kiddos wanted to wander away...

Yep, we'd just stick those monkeys in the bed of the truck. Worked great!

Apparently I was too busy to take many pictures that weekend. I'm a little disappointed about that. Oh well. My parents got Tyler a new Spiderman bike, so he was on it nearly the entire time. And we were soooo lucky to have neighbors with a 5 yr old son!! Tyler and his new friend, Nick, kept each other happy and rode their bikes together. That was really nice. Ty's just so non-stop we were having trouble keeping up with him...and the poor child simply can't stand to do anything alone (yeah, yeah, he's like his Mommy, whatever!). Anyway, Nick's Mom actually took a super cute picture of our boys together and printed it for us there at camp. My scanner's down though, so I can't share that one.

We had a perfect first camping trip for the season! We've got to get our next one on the calendar here very soon. We've got several campgrounds we would like to try out this year. If you have a favorite place to camp, let me know! I'd love to add it to our list!!

Time For a Change

Here's random fact #8 about me...I can't stand for things to stay the same for too long. I guess I get bored. I'm one of those people who is constantly rearranging my furniture and thinking of new things to do with old stuff around the house. So, here's my "new" blog. What do you think? Perhaps it was inspired by the lime green Charger?? Not sure. But I think I needed a brighter view for awhile.

Here's my Charger

Ty and I decided on the Sublime Metallic Daytona R/T. Yep, for real. It's what I'd drive if I could. Tyler said, "Oh, Mom, can we pleeeeaaase get it??" Right, kiddo! Keep dreaming. Maybe one day YOU can get one and drive Mommy around in it! :)

And now for the tag...

Alright, so how many times have I been tagged now?! I don't know! And there's nobody left to tag, so I'm going to have to join you rule breakers and just share with you my 7 random facts. Here we go...

1. My freshman year at LHS, I marched with a flute in the band. That's right, I marched with one. I could play the flute (not amazingly, but I could play it), or I could march...but there was no way this uncoordinated chick could do both at the same time!! So I played the flute during concert season, and I totally pretended during marching season!

2. My junior year at LHS, I was on the soccer team. Yep, again, notice the wording. I didn't so much PLAY soccer; I was just on the team! Okay, so I'm not an athlete or a musician...but I'd love to be both! :)

3. Speaking of musicians, one thing I can't resist is a guy with a guitar. This has been true of me for years. Something about a guy with a guitar is just ultra sexy to me!! And if he can sing, too, whew, I better just leave the room! Haha!

4. I'm an ice cruncher. I love to eat ice. It's a habit I guess (and Steve would say a highly annoying one at that!).

5. I have a hard time with the ending of things. I don't know what my deal is. I just get emotional, and not just when it's the end of good stuff either. Even when things that make me miserable come to an end, I get all nostalgic and "sad-like."

6. Years ago, I actually debated flying to CA to meet a guy I'd been talking to over the internet/phone. Yep, I'm serious. If I only had the guts I could be living it up in San Fransisco today...or maybe he would have turned out to be an ax murderer, ya never know! This time I'm thankful to be a scaredy cat. I have my sweet Steve and my precious boys!

7. If I had the cash flow, I'd be driving a Dodge Charger. A Hemi at that! I know, it's not practical or whatever. But, you guys, I am a car girl at heart. Seriously. I denied it for years, but it's in my blood. It's an Isbell thing, and I've decided to embrace it! Haha! To be honest, I've even wished that I had spent some time under the hood with my Dad growing up. I don't know if I have the brain for it, but I actually think it would be fun to know how to work on a car. One of my best friends is fixing up a Corvette with his Dad, and I can't wait till they get that engine in and I can get my hands on that thing! Go ahead and laugh! :)

I know, I know!!

I know I've been tagged, and there's probably an unwritten rule on how I really shouldn't post anything else until I give you my useless information...but, ugh, I'm just too tired to think guys! Seriously. I can't even think of a good enough #1 that would make you read on to #2! How sad! I am absolutely loving the chance to read all of yours though, and I proooomise I'll get mine up. Even though they'll be nobody left to tag!

But right now I have to pack. We're taking Tyler camping tomorrow night for part of his birthday fun!! We're all really excited. Last time we camped was October, so Tony wasn't walking yet. I think it'll be a lot more fun this time! I'll put pictures up next week.

I have a TON of pictures I've been wanting to post, and it's all stuff that would be sooo much better with pictures that I don't want to just write about it. So I will have to remember to get the dang pictures off the camera so I can share them!

So to anyone still reading my blog, much blogger love and happy weekending! Look forward to 7 random facts about me in the very near future! :)

Hide & Seek

It's a game you'll never win if you're hiding from God. Guaranteed! I just praise Him for that wonderful and comforting Truth today!!

"Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your presence?"

--Psalm 139:7

Psalm 139 is really too long to paste in the middle of a post here, but if you're not intimately aware of the context of the verse above, I encourage you to spend some time reading that chapter today...especially if you've ever found yourself playing hide and seek with the Lord.

We had our membership interview with several of the elders at CBC this morning. It turned out to be not nearly as pleasant as I'd hoped! God kept tugging at my heart and causing words to flow from my mouth that I, personally, could have done without sharing. At the same time, it was incredibly freeing to officially take off my "good little Christian" hat and just be real. It was less than comfortable, and I'm sure those dear men all feel like Steve got the raw end of the deal by marrying this outrageous sinner...and they may be quite right. Despite my honesty, they are welcoming us back into the local Body of Christ at CBC, and I am thankful beyond words to be there.

In case you haven't noticed lately, He is calling me to a life of transparency that is often painful and sometimes downright embarrassing. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm not sure I like the call. BUT, I am so incredibly overwhelmed by His grace at this moment in my life, that I cannot help but share with you that He is One who calls me from darkness into light. If all I ever write to you is light, if all I shared with the elders was His light in my life, I would be withholding the glory due His name! I am a fallen human being, and it is only by His grace that I can display any amount of light or joy or goodness.

Light is so much brighter when contrasted with darkness! And, friends, He has allowed me to walk in darkness in lots of way. You know what though? I couldn't hide there! I am His! Once His, always, always His. He let me walk so far, and then He called my name. I believe we can see that on a smaller, day to day, scale as well. As we are tempted, as we stick out our big toe and test the waters of sin, our gracious and loving Father calls to us. He wipes our dirty toe clean and helps us to shine for Him again.

I praise Him today because I cannot hide from His presence. There is no darkness that I can fall into that can permanently keep me from His loving arms. I am thankful for a church body that believes in the power of His grace enough to let me be ugly and real and still open their heart of fellowship to me.

We Are His Children

I've been a mom for four years now, and with the birth of my tiny, beautiful, completely helpless infant came a reality of new depth and amazing clarity concerning my relationship with the Lord, my Father. When Tyler was born, I suddenly understood how much I was loved. I saw, with brilliant wonder, the love my own earthly parents have for me and have shown me over and over and over through the years. I remember being so thankful for coming from an unconditionally loving family. But that's not the love that continues to stop me wide-eyed in my tracks. Only Love Himself can do that to me. And He does. He does it often these days. And for that, I can't begin to express my thanks. I simply give Him praise and hope that puts a smile on my Father's face.

This new understanding of love was really just the beginning. I'm consistently surprised, and pleasantly so, by all the ways God teaches me, and shapes me, and even disciplines me through my own kids. I have so many "important grown-up things" to do that I have a hard time getting around to the eternal ones. All too often I get so caught up in ME that I don't think about how God could use me to give Himself glory in the lives of others. I want the love! I want the glory! I want to guide the conversation! I have my own problems to solve! No, of course that's not what's really at the core of my heart. I belong to the Lord. If you could dissect my spiritual heart, you'd find Jesus. But I sure don't live every moment like that's the case.

Now I'm not saying my 4 yr old expresses selfless living in every moment of breath either (all you moms, give me an "AMEN!"), but God has really used him to remind me of what's important, to show me how to live. I just thought I was learning a lot from him in years past, but now it's a whole new ballgame. My child is a believer! He knows Jesus! Wow!! Having come to Christ as a teen, it just blows my mind that my preschooler can tell me about sin, salvation, and redemption. He may not use the bigger words, but he gets it! And a lot of times he gets it in ways that I fail to remember it. I pray his heart truly does belong to Jesus, cause I am living proof that once you're His there's absolutely no turning back. All I know for sure is that his foundation now is stronger than mine was when I accepted Christ as a teen.

Here's one tiny example of how God has communicated straight from Tyler's heart to my own...Ty's been invited for the first time ever to spend the night at a friend's house. He is sooooo excited!! It's ALL I've heard about since the idea came up a couple of weeks ago. Finally it's time, tomorrow night. He's completely excited about every little detail of this new adventure, but you'll never guess (or I wouldn't have anyway!) what he said tonight. Right in the middle of one of his "tomorrow night, tomorrow night, wooohoo" rambles, he said, "Hey, Mom, I'm going to tell Kevin about Jesus!" Wow! I know, he's 4, and he may not actually do it. It may not cross his mind again at all. But when he thought of all the great things he could share with his new friend, Jesus was one of them. (BTW, I do happen to know that Kevin has the opportunity of seeing the message of the cross lived out in his home on a daily basis, and I couldn't have hand picked a better place for Tyler's first sleepover!)

Those details aside, His message was clear to me tonight. We share so many things with our friends, but how often we put off sharing the most important thing! Or we make assumptions that they already know. Or we choose to associate with people that we're sure know so we don't even have to go there. God is making Himself known more and more in the life of my family, and I pray that just as He has grown the desire in us, He'll also grow our capacity to live in a way that reflects His glory and holiness. I pray we'll shine, and I pray we won't dim down His glory just because people we love don't want to see it. We are His children. I love to hear that my boys look like me. How it must please my Father when others look at me and see the resemblance!