Here we go again...

What? Dude, you gotta be kidding me!

That's how we feel right now. This can't be for real. We can't honestly be living this same stinkin' cycle of disappointment and what-the-heck-are-we-gonna-do-now-ness. Yet somehow here we are. Steve sent me a text message yesterday morning, which he rarely does. I heard my little text noise and thought "oh cool, something interesting." I don't get texts very often these days. But it was him, and it said "I have sucky news." I had to double check the number, and then I briefly wondered what weirdo had stolen my sweet, old (only compared to me!), bald husband's phone. I'll admit, "sucky" tends to find it's way into my own vocabulary on occasion, but I never hear him use that particular word. So I knew immediately and without doubt that whatever might follow was BAD. He hadn't forgotten his lunch, he didn't have to work late, this wasn't even fender bender language. I quickly texted back, "what." While I waited, I mindlessly shoveled food into a hungry child's mouth and my mind wandered...he's gone, he's fallen in love with someone else....no, that's dumb...someone died...no, suuuurely that would be worth more than a text message...he's lost his job...yep, that's it...here we go again.

Sure enough, the company he worked for decided to do away with his position. He'd just let his boss know that he exceeded his goal for the month, had nothing but positive feedback, no warning whatsoever, and they gave him a one day notice that his job was simply no longer existent. Lovely. Unfortunately my job pays more in hugs and kisses than in actual dollar amounts. Soooo, I fell into dreamland last night going over and over every immediate option I could possibly think of, only to find that each and every one will leave us significantly short financially. At the moment it looks like Steve will try to deliver for DHL again at a desperate salary of half the one he just lost. The nice part of that would be that he could start immediately.

Here's what I'm holding onto. This time around there's more peace in me. I feel considerably less frantic than the 10 million other times this has happened to us. One of my first thoughts was "oh no, we're going to lose this house!" But here's what I know...I know for certain that this house has been a blessing from God. It's a LOT of house for the amount of rent we pay, and it has enabled me to run my childcare business. I know for sure it's where I belong right now. The Lord has given me a love for these children and a desire to care for them that exceeds anything I'd ever expected. I believe He'll provide in a way that we can stay. And you know what, if He has others plans we'll still be okay. We just will. He'll see to it.

Yesterday afternoon I stood at the sink washing some dishes and gazing out the window, taking a break from forcing the smile on my face for the kiddos. I saw something beautiful. A tiny little bird flew right up and landed there in front of me, peered in through my window as if with a smile, and then he flew off without a thought. As I stood there, still in shock from the news, I took comfort in being a child of God...

Matthew 6:25-27

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?"...and then vs.33-34 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."