The Unrepentant Heart

Oh, the grasp that our Enemy can have. Oh, the devastation our own evil human nature can cause. How painful to really see the heart-deadening, Truth-hiding, entirely entangling, numbing effect of sin. Sure, sin is all around us and within us. We must live in a constant state of awareness, of turning from our sin to our Savior. But tonight our church was faced with the serious wreckage of a selfish, unrepentant heart.

I've never before had the unsettling, eye opening experience of participating in our Lord's plan for church discipline in this way. I'll admit, I've even wondered if it really takes place anywhere anymore. The plan I'm referring to is laid out for us in Matthew 18, specifically verses 15-17:

15"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

This evening, our church was forced to take that last step with one of our own who has been unrepentantly engaged in a specific sinful behavior for an entire decade. All other steps to call him to repentance had been followed to no avail. He's to be cut off from fellowship (not hated on or treated badly, but rather regarded as an unbeliever) in hopes that the consequences of his sin may lead him to turn back to Christ...and in order to preserve the purity of the Body. Wow.

Tonight I feel amazingly humbled and protected and thankful to know that I belong to a local body that takes accountability and repentance seriously. I also feel overwhelmed with thankfulness for the gift of God's voice in my own life, for the saving grace of His hand on me, for His undeniable call that has fairly recently brought me back from my own dark season of sin and hardness of heart, for His very Spirit in me that is the only reason I could see beyond my own selfish desires enough to long for Him again. I don't know why, but in the darkness I heard Him call my name. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. He wasn't what my evil heart wanted to cling to. Yet His pull on my soul was undeniable and irresistible.

I'm lost tonight in the thought that this unrepentant heart we mourned over tonight could so easily have been my own. This family, destroyed by one person's selfishness, left to pick up the pieces and pray for eventual repentance, could have been my own sweet family. How much further would I have had to walk for God to turn me over to my sin? How many times does He call our name before He lets us suffer the full consequences of our sin without the fellowship of the Body? I have a new awareness tonight of the real and terrible danger of sin in the life of the believer. And a corresponding determination to flee from even the most "harmless" offenses.

Let's not fool ourselves, dear friends. Christ is indeed victorious, but the prince of this world does not merely sit back and sulk in defeat. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (I Peter 5:8) Don't let it be you!

Fat Girl Talk

Okay, first of all, what the heck is up? Are there not enough fat chicks in Rutherford County? Where did Old Navy's plus size section go? I know I don't get out much, so this may be old news. But I stopped there today and sadly discovered they no longer carry anything I can wear. I wanted to cry. I LOVE Old Navy. Well, I did anyway. :(

On a much, much happier note though, this week I have added to my "wardrobe" 2 pairs of jeans, 3 other pairs of pants, 1 skirt, and at least 3 shirts...from the back of my very own closet!! All things I haven't been able to wear for at least 2 years!! Very exciting! So although the scale is not showing significant weight loss, I am seeing it in various other ways. I am anxiously awaiting the day that I take my hot bod back into Old Navy and celebrate not needing their stupid fat girl section anyway! Haha!

It's That Time Again

I just can't help myself. I've rearranged my living room AGAIN, and I'm tired of looking at the same old blog every day. So here ya go, it's the latest version of me. I know, I have issues. Whatever.

Weekly Visit With the Scale Monster

VERY surprisingly, not bad!! Lost 1.8 on my vacation week. Woohoo! It must be all the extra exercise, cause it sure wasn't that I counted points like I should have!! Very exciting though! Our WW session at Lisa's work is almost over. So now I have to decide if I want to pay to keep going or try to do it on my own. I really don't know. I definitely want to keep working at it. That I know for sure!

In other news, watch out for the stomach bug going around! I have no idea where I picked it up, but it's mine at the moment. I should have easily lost more weight in the past 12 hours than in the whole past 2 weeks!! Yeah, it's been that bad. And let me tell you how there's just nothing in the world like your 20-month-old being flat out determined to sit in your lap while you throw up! Give it up for motherhood, I guess. :)

I'm in Love!

With the man AND the car!!

Last week was my vacation, and we had non-stop fun all week! I really didn't have a single chance to post anything. And it all began with the man of my dreams bringing home the car of my dreams! :) No...we didn't get a new car. Our family car is in need of repairs that we can't afford, so we've been cramming all 4 of us into the truck for quite awhile now. It's not fun, but it's not really that big of a deal either. At least we have something to drive! But it was going to be a problem for vacation, because there's NO room in the cab for luggage with all of us in there. We're lucky we can squeeze the diaper bag in with us! :) We were planning a little getaway for the first weekend of vacation, and there was a chance of rain. We didn't want to travel with our stuff in the bed of the truck, so Steve suggested renting a car for the weekend. I told him if we were going to pay for a car for the weekend that I wanted something big enough that we could take a break from the sardine routine we've gotten accustomed to lately. Then, mostly joking, I suggested we try to find a Dodge Charger (which, remember, is my current dream car!) for a little extra fun, too. And HE DID!!!

Ohhh my gosh, I was soooo excited!! Not just because of the car either. It was probably one of THE sweetest things my hubby has ever done for me. That might sound dumb, but you have to realize that he is soooo not a car guy. He would have been perfectly content with a cheaper, ugly little compact car...you know the kind where your knees practically bonk you in the face when you get in it if you're 6 ft tall like me! The Charger was a very special treat. Surprisingly, it was in the mid range pricing, too, so it wasn't all that bad. The one he found wasn't exactly my dream car. It wasn't the exact model or color, and it only had a 3.5 liter engine...but dang it was fun anyway!!! Steve even went and got it for me that Friday night so I could "play" before we left town on Saturday morning.

I'm sure most of you are probably thinking that I'm a little nuts to be this excited about a car. I know. It's in my blood. Blame it on my Dad!! :) The real point of this post, though, is to express my love and gratitude to my dear husband. He doesn't get it either...the car thing. After he drove it, I said all hyper like, "Do you LOVE it?!" His response: "It's a car."

So thank you, my sweet man, for making my vacation extra special. I love you!